February 2012
16 posts
Dance Partners
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Servant's Ball?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I am NOT dancing with Thomas.
Bottom of the Barrel
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Are you old? A poor, drunk farmer? An unrecognizable burn victim?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: LADY EDITH CRAWLEY WANTS YOU!
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Send inquiries via homing pigeon or evening post to Dowager Countess of Grantham.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Foreign dignitaries need not apply.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Or any dignitaries, for that matter.
Sugar Fix
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Thomas, can you get me some black-market biscuits?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I'll pay anything.
Valentine's Day
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Mr. Moseby sent me roses.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I'm offended.
Grammys
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Why didn't I win a Granny?
Blooms
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I saw Thomas carrying a bouquet of roses.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Do you think they're for O'Brien?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Or is there another fancy foreign gentleman staying with you?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Why doesn't anyone get me flowers?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Maybe I can make it Cousin Isobel's new cause. LOL
Bonus
DOWAGER COUNTESS: PBS just sent me something called a bonus check?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: It appears to be co-signed by JP Morgan. Don't we know that family?
B.I.G.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: That notorious fellow got one thing right
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Mo' money, mo' problems.
Cora's Birthday Present
ME: Granny, any idea what to get mother for her birthday?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Money can't buy you class.
Super Bowl
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Only Americans would use words like 'super.'
Mass Text
DOWAGER COUNTESS: How do I send a mass text?
(4 hours later)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: ((Fwd: MSM:: I THINK WE WERE ON SNL?!?!))
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Figured it out.
Mother Superior
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I'm going to be a little late for dinner, dear.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Sister Act is on.
January 2012
40 posts
Surely, Shirley
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Shirley McClaine?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Bring it on.
Tea Time
DOWAGER COUNTESS: It's always tea time somewhere.
PTIYPASI pt. 2
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I’m texting in a swivel chair.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: PTIYPASI, America
Torture
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Is this an instrument of communication?
(1 hour later)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Or torture?
FML
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I just saw Edith on a tractor.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: FML
iTunes Store
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Can you please tell Branson to come pick me up? I want to go to the iTunes Store.
TGIF
ME: TGIF!
DOWAGER COUNTESS: TGIF?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Turkish gentleman is f*cked?
New Cloche
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I purchased a new cloche.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: From this Etsy establishment.
(20 minutes later)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: 1912: TREAT YOSELF
Record Player
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Have you seen your father's new record player? What noise!
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Sometimes I feel as if I were living in a J.J. Abrams production.
Google+
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I tried to use Google Plus but really everyone was in the Cousins circle.
Foursquare
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Why on earth would I want to be Mayor of Downton?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Countess is better than Mayor.
%C{ :-)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: %C{ :-)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Cousin Isobel in her new hat.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Positively horrid.
Words With Allies
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Your mother is trying to get me to play Words with Friends.
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Rather presumptuous.
COUNTESS DOWAGER: At best, I think we're allies.
Occupy Downton
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Please don't tell Sybil, but I've just learned that we are the 1%.
Lady Edith
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Dearest Edith! I learned the most useful term today and it made me think of you.
ME: What's that, Granny?
COUNTESS DOWAGER: Meh.
Swagger
DOWAGER COUNTESS: What is swag?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Do I want it?
O'Brien
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Why does Mrs O'Brien wear her hair like that? It makes her look like Albert Nobbs.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Delete this text.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I bet she reads your messages.
Weekending
ME: I'll see you this weekend, Granny.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I have no idea what you're talking about.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Is that something the Italians do? Weekend?
'Reply'
DOWAGER COUNTESS: I tried to reply to your message and I think I took a picture of my knee.
Pantaloons
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Ugh. This is like that time Lady Sybil wore those bloody pantaloons.
Mrs Crawley's Facebook
DOWAGER COUNTESS: What in heaven's name is Facebook and why is Mrs Crawley incessantly poking me?
(25 minutes later)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: She looks positively rotund in her recent photos.
WWI
DOWAGER COUNTESS: World War I is really interfering with my party circuit.
Sexting
DOWAGER COUNTESS: What's sexting?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Can we teach Mary?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: God knows her reputation can't get any worse.
Pigeon in Mourning
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Edith, you really shouldn't wear black.
ME: We're already at dinner.
DOWAGER COUNTESS: For future notice, my dear.
(20 minutes later)
DOWAGER COUNTESS: You look like a pigeon in mourning.
PTIYPASI
DOWAGER COUNTESS: PTIYPASI
ME: What?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Fumes
DOWAGER COUNTESS: Does this contraption omit FUMES?
Autocorrect
DOWAGER COUNTESS: What is this autocorrect nonsense?
DOWAGER COUNTESS: The work of some American, no doubt.
